LAKENHAM PRIMARY SCHOOL

Looking back, I realise three sessions in, some sort of diary entry would be useful. The first two weeks of this will be more like a reflective look back as I am writing them on the 28th. The rest, following WEEK 2, will be written on the day. Names of kids will be censored for their protection.

WEEK 1 - 14th Jan - FISH TIE

The first week I was practically insanely nervous. It was one of those moments where, with all my previous experience with kids and teaching, I new I'd be fine, but that first day I was terrified. I wanted to remember their names and make a good impression and do all the things right. Which is maybe a little too perfectionist a mindset but was worth this little stresses because I was super prepped when the day came round. It's like I'd thought of all the things that could go wrong so by the time the day came round, it was never that bad. I wore my best tie, which my sister had made for me this Christmas, it is an amazing embroidery of a fish. The kids loved it. It was actually just part of my sort of gender presentation. I was worried they wouldn't see me as a boy so I felt a tie would be a great way to signal to a 6 year old that I am a boy. It worked amazingly. But I quickly spotted the flaw. I had opened with my best tie. What about next week? It then became obvious that I must either exclusively wear the fish tie, or make a new tie each week. One is clearly the best - but more stressful and busy - option. 

WEEK 2 - 21st Jan - WORM TIE

New day, new tie. This one was inspired by the last week where they learnt about worms in their morning nature school. They were very excited about the worms this week too. I think they were quite disruptive this week but I've gotten much much better with them. I know their names confidently. I know what they're like and can begin to predict their actions and questions. There communication from the school hasn't always been the clearest but next week I think I'm going to be taking out kids in smaller groups to complete some artwork. I have prepped some squares and colours for them to have a play around on a small scale just so I can get to know how they function when making art. 

WEEK 3 - 28th Jan - APPLE TIE

3rd time being here now officially. Was so so incredibly tired this morning but managed to source the energy somewhere. Today was the first day I was properly able to do some artwork with them. I took out about 4 students at a time and asked for them to imagine what it would be like if they lived in Antarctica. I asked them things like what the view out their window would look like. I've been asked by the teachers to stick to their curriculum, which they are currently learning about polar worlds and habitats more generally. It has been a very exhausting day but I've still loved every minute of it. I've started to get a sense of what the kids are like when creating artwork. J___ is incredibly critical of his own work, while D___ is very quiet when working but has a keen eye for colour and detail. The kids didn't seem to be too fussed about my tie today which is slightly disappointing because I really like it - maybe the design is just a bit too simple. I think I'm going to do B___'s suggestion which was an iceberg next week or maybe A___'s suggestion which was to make a tie with loads of ants crawling on it. They're both good options that I'm banking on. 

WEEK 4 - 4th Feb - Pencil Tie

They loved my tie today. I actually don't have much to say because I am rushing off quite soon to go to London for an amazing opportunity. It was a relatively standard day. H____ was particularly fizzy (I have learnt the class teacher likes to describe a child's disruptive day as 'fizzy', this is genius). His guinea pig was eaten by the family dog (honestly could not begin to describe his home environment). They loved my tie, they all took turns pretending my pencil was real and tried to write with it. 

WEEK 5 - 11th Feb - Zip Tie

Today was bloody hard. Like truly the hardest day. I mean, I already woke up feeling a bit off because of some of my own personal things but christ it was hard today. I also didn't quite get enough sleep which is always a bad idea around 22 6 year olds. But the morning was particularly tricky; 3 kids cried in the morning. And I'm already feeling emotional and like, if an adult cries in front of me, I'm crying too, but a 6 year old? I was trying so hard to hold back tears. I literally had to go to the bathroom at lunchtime and cry there. Oh, there's another thing, it has been raining all day which meant PE was inside and so too was break and lunchtime. Wet play will be the death of me. It means that there is literally not a single minute where you're not in front of kids. There is no pause whatsoever. This makes it feel actually impossible sometimes. I worry that I was not good at handling the situation where the first kid cried. It was partially because he was in trouble, but I didn't know when to be firm with him and when to be kind. It is a really tricky line to walk especially when it quite literally makes me want to burst into tears. After lunch, I think the day began to pick up. I was taking the kids out in groups of five and letting them paint the sides of a tower block I had made out of cardboard. Jazmine, the other placement student in Year 2 wasn't in today so I couldn't do my plan of grouping together our students. Which made the day a little stressful. I am however, incredibly impressed with myself because I managed to take out every student after lunch so not a single child was left out. Which is great!

HALF TERM WEEK

WEEK 6 - 25th Feb - Ants tie

Working with the kids is so rewarding. We began to merge both year 2 classes today which was relatively successful - not nearly as many hiccups as I thought there would be. I again managed to take out every student in my class - though to be fair, 2 were off sick, so that brought the numbers down. I love being in the school and being in front of the kids. That part is not hard at all. It's the adults that I'm finding the trickiest, the wake up times and all the fluff in between. The last couple weeks I've been struggling with my own mental health. I've found out after being in front of the kids all day how infuriated I am by my own depression. I catch myself feeling very little or nothing while teaching a random task. It's not enough for them to notice it, I'm quite good at putting on a front and having that wall up that means it doesn't affect them, but it is a sort of hollow feeling I'm not a fan of. I don't think A___ remembered that he suggested this ant tie that I wore, but I do think he enjoyed it whether or not he remembered his own suggestion. Just finding life particularly tricky and so getting on with it (ie showing up for these kids) is particularly hard right now.